Souji no Jutsu!
by Wintersia
Summary: Mikasa created random names to address Levi's ways of cleaning. Levi's not amused with this. — Levi/Mikasa. For Levi's birthday.


**disclaimer:** I don't own Shingeki no Kyojin. Hajime Isayama does.

_I don't take any material advantage in any form from this fanfiction._

**warning:** canon-setting, AR, **crack!fic**. OOC guaranteed. T for language. **inspired by yonkoma episode 22 and drama cd 2**. read at your own risk, and please enjoy :)

**.**

**(12/25) happy birthday Levi!**

**.**

**Souji no Jutsu!**

Levi knew dealing with his subordinates was difficult, but he didn't expect that dealing with a certain subordinate was this difficult. Uh, yeah, that 'a certain subordinate' goes to the young Ackerman.

Mikasa Ackerman was confusing. Well, he did admit that she confused him sometimes—for example her infatuation towards Eren and so on, but the things that just happened to Levi made him emphasize her name plus the word 'confusing' more and more.

**.x.**

It all started on a sunny day when Levi's squad 2.0 members were busy cleaning the building where they used as the headquarter. Levi and his cleaning obsession was the reason why cleaning had to be put in their daily training. Thanks to that, they had to get up so early or else they would have got beaten up to pulp by their captain.

Levi gave instructions to his subordinates and told them which section they should clean. The handkerchief was put on already and the equipments they needed were ready on hand. Other than cleaning, Levi also inspected each spot he assigned his subordinates to clean of and checked if they did well or not.

And the first target was the room which became Eren's responsibility.

At first, he seemed like usual, even though not looked too pleasant either, only complained about a little peck of dust in this and that corner. But not anymore until he checked on the wall and started to get furious.

"Mo-Mold, Sir?"

"What else do you call this filthy bastard?"

Eren struggled to find an answer and said, "But it's not my fault if they decide to line up like that! From the way here i thought it was a pattern."

Jean and Armin, who heard everything from outside the room sweatdropped. From all the reasons that he could think of, why was the one Eren gave to Levi the stupidest one?

Of course Levi was not amused with this. Eren's answer just added fuel to the fire _a.k.a_ Levi's anger. "Are you an idiot or a part of your eyes can't work well enough to tell you the difference of mold and proper pattern?"

"Eren's not."

A certain feminine voice interrupted.

"Mikasa?"

It was none other than Mikasa Ackerman.

Armin grew pale all of sudden and muttered, "Oh no, please not right now..."

Mikasa stepped in the room further. Her tone was nothing anew when she said, "Eren's not an idiot, and his eyes still work perfectly."

Ignoring the 'ssshh!' from Eren, she stood beside her adoptive brother and looked straight into Levi's eyes. Levi shot Mikasa a glance and asked, "What are you saying?"

The intense grew heavier as none dared to speak up. They only stood there watching Mikasa and their captain sent glares to each other. To Armin's eyes, Mikasa still looked pretty calm in the outside, but who would have thought what it looked like in inside. Eren stared at his sister, then did so at his captain, dumbfounded.

Thankfully, it didn't take long to end the glaring contest as Mikasa broke the eye contact first and said, "I'll clean that."

But certainly, Mikasa Ackerman wouldn't give up so easily.

**.x.**

"What the hell are you doing?"

Sasha gasped when the voice of Captain Levi felt only some inches away from her ear. She straightened herself up from her position on the floor, dust cloth in her hand. She was just about to finish her work mopping the floor.

But judging by Levi's reaction, he's not pleasant with her work. To the others, she seemed doing her work just fine.

"I'm mopping the floor, Sir."

"What part of this you call mopping?"

"E-Eh... I don't know Sir... All of it?"

Levi sighed and set up a position, ready to mop the floor (which was done by Sasha earlier) then said, "That's not how you do it. This..." He began to mop the floor from corner to corner, even the parts which were left untouched before. "Is. The. Way. You. Do. It."

You. Yeah, _You_.

"Sure-Clean Sparkling-To-Be-Floor Mopping."

Suddenly, all pair of eyes were focused on the source of the voice.

"Mi-Mikasa?" Historia took a look at her friend's face and _oh my god she isn't serious is she?_ was Historia's mind told her.

"I think that is the way that technique should be called." was what Mikasa said after that.

All heads were struck with question tag, and Levi just stared at the black-haired girl, silently asking for an explanation but Mikasa quickly saluted and leaving with the broom in her hand.

But that was not where things were over.

**.x.**

"Super Ultra Dust-Sweeping."

"High Speed Turbo Mold-Shaving."

"Extremely Unbeatable Spider Web Removing."

_This didn't make any sense. At all._

Being faced with the situation which surely, wouldn't get any of them nowhere, Levi decided to lecture the Ackerman girl a bit. And of course, the girl in front of him didn't show any signs of fear or sorry. Or not yet.

"If you," He tried hard—_God, he tried_—to give pressure to each syllable to make her listen properly to him. "Have so much time to go around labelling other people's moves—not to mention my moves, isn't it better to do your own work?"

The expression she put in her face was calm like usual, even under Levi's burning stare. Ordinary people couldn't stand it for the time she spent doing so, but she was no ordinary. Connie mouthed 'do you think you can last?' to Sasha, and Sasha just mouthed back, 'Dunno. You?'

To everyone's surprise, Mikasa nodded a little and replied, "Yes, Sir."

**.x.**

As a good, very good leader, it was natural to punish the subordinates who went out of the obedience line. The punishment had to be enough for them to stop doing disobedient things. But not a certain punishment always worked well with certain subordinate.

"Humanity's Strongest Sadistic Pervert Half-Wall Cleaning."

Yes, _certain subordinate_.

Levi let out another 'tsk' and looked for the stairs which he could use to reach the upper part of the wall. He might let this one slipped away, but certainly, he wouldn't go easy on the next time.

**.x.**

Smooth. This was exactly like what he had wanted.

Those black eyes were raging with emotions which were closest to anger and something similar to it. Just by looking at those eyes and her urge to restrain herself from doing anything harmful made him feel like a winner already.

"Do you have some shits to be taken care of?"

Mikasa was a skilled soldier, but she lacked experience in some parts. So taking this precious red fabric of hers was possible if he could use every single opportunity in her careless state.

For example in a man-to-man duel, or when said target was asleep.

Even though Levi couldn't call it a piece of cake either.

"... With all due respect, Sir."

"Louder."

"PleasegiveitbackSir."

"Not as clear as the shitty names you gave to my moves yesterday."

Mikasa clenched her teeth and said,

"Please. Give. My. Scarf. Back." _Uh oh_. The 'Sir' was (purposely?) not added in the sentence.

"Not a bad name, even though i'd expect something better from you, Mikasa."

Okay. Mikasa couldn't stand this anymore. She watched as her red scarf was floating in the water, her _preciouspreciousprecious_ scarf from Eren just got touched by Captain Levi.

Or got washed, to be more specific and accurate. Actually she knew this was something to be thankful about at some point. (_But she decided this was not the time for it_.)

"I won't hand it over to you, Captain."

"Interesting, but sadly, you did."

"I will absolutely get it back."

"Try me."

**end**

**a/n:** there it is! thank you for reading, i'll be very happy if you drop some comments or constructive criticisms. do tell me if there are any mistakes! :) happy holiday to you all! :)x


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